Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
