I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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