I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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