My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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