u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
