She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize