I just threw up on my dentist
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
