you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
