2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
