I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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