you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
