Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
