But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
