I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dignity is for republicans.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
