Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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