you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
