When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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