roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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