It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
