Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
