Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
