Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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