Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
