If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
