we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
