she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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