thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
