I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
His hands were made for my vagina.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's always time for handjobs
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
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