he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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