So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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