glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
