I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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