I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
