I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I skipped work to stalk him.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
