This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
