the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
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Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
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The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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