As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
