first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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