Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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