I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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