I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
