I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm bleeding and have questions
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
