I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
