I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize