i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize