...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
