Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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