I could make wine with my vomit
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
