remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
