so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My vagina is very pro this idea
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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