Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
