Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
