she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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