if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
