your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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