Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
