Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
