somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
