dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
