Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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