Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
