he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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