your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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