dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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