sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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