How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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