I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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