why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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