Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
