two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I pour the whiskey from now on
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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