just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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