u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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