good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
