nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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