I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
