the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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