I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
