He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Boobs are out for the taking
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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