This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I touched a dick in church today
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
