areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
