i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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